Gin and Proposing.
Let’s just start by saying that this blog post has very little to do with Gin, thankfully by the time the Gin started flowing I was already past the point of no return and Caldo was in charge of the Gin Shed and its contents.
First steps to propose to a woman (or a man it is 2015):
- You need to wait until she is essentially in tears and is waiting to be asked. Any minor event you are at together be it a walk up a hill or a night out where you end up alone she needs to be expecting it.
- Don’t’ cave to peer pressure, get into an argument and propose by proxy.
- Let her choose the ring (making sure she sends you the correct ring information and NOT a picture where the ring is slightly out of shot).
- Be personal, so what if you’re up a tower in a capital city or any high cliché building…
- Remember it’s no big deal “it’s just a ring”. (Forgetting this is her confirmation that she is not wasting her time with you and she wants babies and all the rest, a house clearly isn’t enoughJ).
Ask your mate Sarah Leonard to sort four lovely ladies to form a string quartet which can play her favourite love song in your conservatory. For the purposes of “Her” (or my mothers words, “who is she the cats mother” – I have never understood this saying). Her favourite love song is The Book of Love and mainly the Peter Gabriel arrangement which is brilliant as it has a full string intro.
Cover the house and conservatory in fairy lights on the ceiling and church candles on the ground.
Get you bearded mate to play First Day of my life by Bright Eyes after she says yes.
Make sure she is home for 5:30 no later or earlier.
Once she enters signal the strings to play.
Lead her through, watch her cry, get down on one knee and ask “so ehhh.. How about marrying me”?
When she says yes, the bearded one appears and sings.
After that and we are all drinking Champagne, politely inform her that she needs to go get changed as in 15 mins people will be arriving.
At this point revealing that you have organised an engagement party where the guests will all arrive at 15 mins intervals.
Make sure the food from Mad Chef Danny at Bloc arrives and the oven is prepped and ready – On this note I was running around daft for the whole day getting food and booze for the evening, putting up fairy lights and tidying (golden rule, girls do not like visitors when the house is potentially a mess).
Serve food and booze all night, making sure all she has to do is drink pose with the ring, and chat to her friends and family. My job is to host the thing making sure no glass is empty long. Making sure you never refuse to not pose as a couple even though it’s one of your most hated things to do on the earth along with having to watch Made in Chelsea.
So that’s how you propose in a lovely personal way.
Ensure the right ring information is provided: If there are two rings in the picture then do some subtle checking before buying one. Like me you might think you know her, well you would be wrong! But don’t worry this corrected itself one night when she was moaning and clearly in a state that it might never happen I said “what if I’ve already bought the ring”. Sending her into both a slightly happier mood but also panic when she remembered that the photo she sent was dubious.
The following day you may receive a text stating “I found the receipt and don’t get mad but you bought the wrong one”…. Once you have calmed down casually calling the jewlers to explain the mistake only to be told by the love Jade from Bernstones Glasgow that (she’s a Geordie btw so read it as one) “Don’t worry Mr Macdonald, Rachel has already been on the phone and its sorted, we are resizing the correct ring and it should be ready by next Wednesday, it happens all the time”.
Now if you me; A – you don’t like a woman saying “don’t worry it happens all the time” as it sound like you’re not being the man you could be and B – I have been further demasculinised (is that a word) as not only is the surprise removed but I didn’t fix the problem Rachel did.
Subtly of timing: Try to be more tactful with telling her when she needs to arrive as being too specific will give the game away.
The Ring Box: Don’t present the ring box upside down, it kills it.
Gin Shed: Do not say to “just grab some gin from the shed”. Keep it looked.
Your own drink consumption: Don’t drink more booze than the guests and forget to eat.
The Garden secret spew: Don’t say you’re going for “air” then spew in your garden and try to hide it.
The Sleeping host: Don’t go to your room to plug your phone in, lay down then not wake up until 12:30 the next day, ultimately not saying goodbye to your guests.
Feel free to use this formula. She did say yes after all.
Now to see how much Gin we can get for the wedding.